How To Be Better Co-Parents During A High-Conflict Divorce

Every parent wants the best for their kids, but it seems impossible when emotions run high separating from a partner you saw a future with. Children need stability, love, and care and you can offer them that even during a high-conflict divorce. 

Here are some practical ways you can be better co-parents during a high-conflict divorce: 

Decide early on in the separation how you will communicate with your co-parent. Email or messaging apps focused on co-parenting like OurFamilyWizard can help keep conversations organized and professional. We recommend using them since it works as proof, if there’s ever a need. 

In your parenting time agreement, outline pickup and drop-off schedules, vacation time, and responsibilities for holidays and special events.  This should avoid any possible conflicts within you and your spouse and kids. 

Just don’t stick to their routines and schooling, but check-in often on how they feel emotionally, especially when discussing changes in parenting time. 

If you feel your child’s being aggressive or awfully quiet, don’t hesitate to reach out to a family therapist or child specialist. They will give advice on how to keep your children feeling safe and supported, keep a stable environment at home, and avoid unnecessary conflict. 

While communicating with your ex might feel impossible, it’s key to keep things civil for your children’s sake. Stick to the facts and avoid getting personal. If a conversation starts escalating, take a step back and revisit it later. Always keep your tone neutral and respectful. If communication always turns sour, use a third party, like a mediator , when making decisions. 

Once a parenting time agreement is in place, follow it without exceptions. While the main goal is your child’s sense of security, it also helps avoid any confusion, minimizes communication, and becomes a tool for you to move on in life.

If you run into disputes over the plan, seek help from legal professionals. Sometimes, even if not desired, adjustments may be necessary as circumstances change.  

Children should never feel like they have to choose between parents. Speaking negatively about your ex in front of the kids harms their emotional well-being. It has the potential of causing long-term damage to their relationship with both parents.

Instead, support your children in maintaining a healthy bond with both you and your ex. Show respect for each other’s role, correct them if they speak wrongly about your ex, and celebrate important events like the first day of school, birthdays, and Halloween together. 

It is easy to forget about your own emotional needs while tending to your kids and handling divorce. Kids know when parents aren’t doing well and will blame them for the separation. While it is healthy to let children know how you feel, make sure to take care of yourself. Regular exercise, therapy, or simply taking time to unwind helps you stay grounded when tensions rise.

You may need to revisit your co-parenting agreement as time goes on and circumstances change, whether your spouse is moving to another city or has a change in schedule due to a job change. Consider working with a mediator if it becomes difficult to agree on modifications.

If you are struggling with co-parenting responsibilities while separating from an uncooperative partner, Sterling Law is here to help you with legal support. Reach out today for a consultation.

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